my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
