ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
