I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
