Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize