Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have tasted many bathrooms
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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