whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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