I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
