Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
