you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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