hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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