So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
