Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
