I feel like abortions should bother me more
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
