just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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