What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
