Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
