well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i out mim tonsoeep
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