I just threw up on my dentist
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My dick has a subreddit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
