nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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