thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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