i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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