Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
