i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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