I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
