I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nutella sex= disaster
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
