i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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