you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
