you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
