your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
