I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
