Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
