Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
