Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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