I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
