This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
