My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
