I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
