Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
