Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize