Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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