theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
