I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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