god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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