May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
