I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
