Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
