Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize