By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
