dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
