I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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