I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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