She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
