i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
