i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
