now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
