we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize