Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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