i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
