everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We have started to decorate penises.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
