Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
