i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
