I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
