i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
