He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
