nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you made out with another girl for some wings
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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