for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
