We named our party play list daddy issues
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
