if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
