I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
