I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
