Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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